Questioned.

IS

happy

it ok to wonder
about the days
we spent planning for
the days ahead
like alright,
it was wrong
to think you can
plan 

EVERYTHING

 

perhaps peoplesad
& priorities

don’t go
as well
as I’d
thought.
& that’s
somehow
supposed to be

FINE?

-Rizwana

Bliss.

There is no comfort, no regularity in going after the spectacular again and again and again. There is always a feeling, hypnotic even, enough to making me want to strive for that spectacular something with no knowledge of what it actually is. Tiring? It can be. Like you’re always moving and walking and yes, running, to somewhere and that somewhere just seems like both a step and miles away, altogether. And you think, how am I to know? There is no guide, not even a friend. Just you and this screaming sensation, like a promise telling you you’ll reach there, that somewhere. A promise you make unknowingly and break just as soon but keep coming back to, knowing you were meant to. Believing something for a somewhere. Blinded so boldly, I proclaim it my passion.

The life of roamer, craver for the creative. 

Endless effort and bliss.

-Rizwana

Lacking.

how lone is long-gone fame?

for you said you were popular
years after being popular
was no longer popular.
it’s alright though, you
accept now, inner peace,
perhaps, would have been
a better substitute.

I mean, #NotPopular

how lone was long-gone fame?
and how much lacking, still.

-Rizwana
(photos from Tumblr)

On Blogging.

I’ve been trying to publicise¬†my blog a lot more, ever since I’ve moved to this self-hosted place and there’s something I’ve noticed that I did not notice¬†as much before..?¬†And let me say in advance, I don’t mean to offend anybody. I’m just trying to collect my thoughts based on an observation.

i promise.So it’s these ‘boxes’¬†that most blogs fall into. Ya know the typical trend where numerous gals blog¬†on makeup/lifestyle and the dudes post stuff related to¬†tech news and similar. Now, obviously, I’m totally OKAY with that, in fact these people are writing stuff¬†they’re passionate about and I, not only completely support their efforts, but I think it’s great that they’ve the courage and determination¬†to¬†do so.

It’s just that when you’re not doing what a large portion of the public seems to be doing and is interested in, you feel kinda left out ya know? Which¬†is absurd, I agree. But I don’t know¬†why I still feel like I’m not catering to what the people want to be reading and perhaps, that does sound like a good thing..certainly falls¬†under the timeless advice of ‘be unique’. Yet, I think you end up feeling awfully alone and unsure of yourself. I don’t want to be writing on the mainstream topics just for the sake of it,¬†nor do I want to be dishonest to myself and play pretend to find the community/readership/friends.

To be honest, another aspect of this is when you search of ways to gain a larger audience, there are¬†so many online guides telling you directly/indirectly to write cookie-cutter articles like¬†“top 50 things¬†you might not even care about but will still click to read because we have got¬†the real marketing skillz”. Come on, I can’t be the only one who notices this, right? right?!¬†

for real..?

Nonetheless,¬†I know for a fact¬†that my content, too,¬†is anything but unique. Of course,¬†we’re all inspired by one thing or another and there will always be similarities overshadowed by the capability¬†that¬†creativity holds, wherein¬†each¬†person’s perspective¬†is a key to a combination¬†of their self and their work, which can never,¬†truly,¬†be replicated. So for anyone who’s¬†felt what I’m feeling, I just want to reiterate the importance of staying true to yourself. No matter¬†if you feel like you’re in a box with 2, 902 or 539402 other people¬†(side note: staying confined to only that box is your personal decision but a trip outside comfort zone can be super nice):

honesty does go a long way.

(& remember: if put your soul in your work then much like the boy who lived, the world will find you)

teehee.

-Rizwana

Insignificance ‚ÄĒ A Chat.

I’ve been meaning to write about a little something that’s been (sorta) occasionally troubling me. ‘Troubling’ not as ‘its upsetting’ or anything but it’s just making me think about wanting to try something new/different. I know I’m making no sense right now and this shroud of vagueness might seem unnecessary but uh, please stay a while and read ahead..maybe I’ll reach some clarity.

Anyway, so it’s about the¬†future of this blog, the future of my¬†writing as it is, and the future that I would like to work towards.

Now before I hope I’ve scared you, don’t freak out, I’m in no way quitting, there’s no abandoning or betrayal or any-other-sad-stuff-you-can-think-of-like-a-sunken-Oreo, it’s kind of the opposite. I’ve had this blog for 2 wonderful years, in which, on a personal scale, I’ve achieved stuff I wouldn’t otherwise ever could. Sure, I still don’t¬†have my own page¬†on Wikipedia but that doesn’t match¬†the feeling of¬†opening up your browser, typing the letter ‘t’ and landing on a page that looks absolutely average, yes, but it feels like home.

And now I know I’m doing what I usually do when I attempt to talk (or write) in a straightforward manner i.e.¬†not be straightforward enough¬†but what I’m saying is that looking at¬†this blog, its front-page,¬†makes me consider it as an extension of myself, one which grows a little each day and reminds me¬†why¬†an 18 year can¬†chase after her dream.

A dream that I’m uncertain of, to be honest. That’s the crux of the matter, I guess. What do I want this blog to grow into? I¬†don’t know if I have the audacity¬†to control the path it takes, I’m half part confused and other part motivated¬†(also all-part lazy but that’s a talk for some other time..). It’s just the thought¬†of why does putting so much effort even matter when no one is going to bother¬†caring or even noticing¬†what I do and I know I should hate thinking like that. I can’t let self doubt get in the way of becoming a better writer, gaining a greater online presence and of making things I’m proud of.

So I guess this is a sort of pep talk to myself, a shoulder pat against the feeling of insignificance.

Tinkerer of Words, for me, has, and will continue to be, bigger than just a blog. In fact, it’s the¬†starting line and I am mustn’t be afraid of running.¬†

 

-Toto

Also shoutout to Kate over at plethoricthoughts¬†who’s been having thoughts of revamping her blog! Reading her posts on the struggle has been oddly therapeutic and ya’ll should go check her blog even though I’m not being paid, nor asked, to do this. (#WouldNotMindBeingPaidThou ūüėČ )

BLOG TURNS 2.

ah, yes. I don’t even know what to say..it’s 24th June and my blog, Tinkerer of Words, turns 2!

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That’s 2 YEARS of blogging and it’s been a fulfilling experience, to say the least. I have (and still am) trying to understand my writing..but for now, this is a milestone. One which I am incredibly grateful to ya’ll for! For the motivational words and the generous feedback, it’s all helped tremendously.

People’s interest means a lot for any (wanna-be) writer or artist or musician or whatever sort of creative, and you all, each one of you, have made this journey, less daunting. so, THANK YOU.¬†

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-Toto
<3

p.s. kewl stuff coming soon on ToW! stay tuned. ?