BLOG TURNS 3.

on 24th June, 2017, Tinkerer of Words turned 3.

RUNDOWN

The last year, for the blog, hasn’t been too exciting. Although, it’s been pretty much the opposite in terms of my non-blog life. I moved to the UK last September for Uni and that meant I’ve been a terrible blogger. terrible is totally an understatement.¬†I’ve neglected uploading new content. Which is a lot more difficult to understand since I didn’t actually stop writing or anything, in fact I kept posting bits of writings/poems to my personal Facebook instead.

Problem is, I struggle with doing what people do to get their writings noticed. I instantly lack the motivation to make an effort to kind of “advertise” yourself (advertise not in a market-y, gimmicky way, but like making real connections with people if that makes any sense…), and with having this website without the support system that the WordPress.com community at least provided, it’s been difficult. I can stare at a blank screen for hours trying to find the words but when it comes to actually uploading those found words, I’ll procrastinate with at least 6 episodes of whatever-it-is-i-am-currently-binge-watching (cough*izombie*cough). ISN’T THAT SUPER ODD?! (pls tell me, I can’t be the only one who suffers from this ah…oddness(?)).


Case in point #1, I have a whole album of DESIGNS on my Facebook, for maybe half an year, that has writings sort of illustrated or accompanied by bits of shapes etc. that are minimalistic and try to add to the words. It’s easier seen than explained.¬†I started it as a way to improve my Illustrating skills + to find a way to merge my obsession with words and Graphics Design, as an aesthetically pleasing fusion.

And stupidly enough, I’ve not even mentioned it here on the blog. LIKE AT ALL.

Case in point #2, since moving to the UK, one of the greatest things has been the many Spoken Word poetry events. I’ve had the utmost pleasure of not only listening to some truly talented poets, but also performing in front of an audience, four times. Now, four times seems like a very small number, but for someone who’s only just watched Spoken Word on Youtube, the opportunity to stand on a stage and speak your words, has been, utterly remarkable. As a way to share my spoken word poems especially with friends and family back in Saudi Arabia, I started a SoundCloud account where for some reason I found the motivation to upload my 2 poems vs. delaying even the post I had in mind for ToW where I’d mention this. Like, I don’t even know why I found the latter so demanding.


Regardless, I want you to know¬†I really, really, REALLY, R E A L L Y cherish this blog. I might sound a bit too cynical or maybe self-critical but¬†Tinkerer of Words has seriously been a place of comfort for me. It’s been my home from the moment I spent weeks hunting for the right name for a blog where I’ll be free to share stuff and improve stuff. 3 years is a milestone, but now it’s onwards. I want to better this place, learn from my mistakes and perhaps make news ones to learn from later.

Because even now that I sit in lamplight, a little too sleepy too early, I can’t thank you enough for reading this.
You make this less difficult.

 

You make it a whole lot easy.

-rizwana

‚̧ԳŹ

I’m Back.

let’s be honest: I’ve been reluctant to post on this blog.¬†

After being away for so long, with no prior update or anything, it’s disturbingly difficult to get yourself to write a post without feeling like you’ve abandoned, perhaps even betrayed, your blog. I know I might sound like I’m exaggerating an otherwise simple situation but¬†I don’t feel as such. I guess I’ve just disappointed myself more than anyone kind enough to be reading these sentences, and I knew all I had to do was come back here, write (I wasn’t out of ideas/topics) and¬†click ‘publish’. But¬†the longer you don’t do the very thing you so want (and know you should) do, the harder it gets to actually do it. At least, for me. (I might’ve confused you in which case¬†ahh, I don’t think I can explain myself any better. apologies. :$ )¬†So, that’s how I ended up¬†with no fresh content¬†since September.

blog, abandoned.Nonetheless, I think I’m back now. I want to be back.¬†The only way to break out of this¬†toxic hesitance is to crush its existence, to sit down and write, without fear or uncertainty, like I have before. And, hopefully, with your support,¬†will do again.

blog, returns!

All of old. Nothing else ever. Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.¬†‚Äē¬†Samuel Beckett

Ever grateful,
Rizwana

 

Fixation.

You’ll see me use the word creative so often. 

For I look to find the ways in which to be uninterrupted, creatively uninterrupted. 
I do not know what you may think of this constant need to go on and on and on about something I seem to have already bored you with enough. This must be tiring. Utterly repetitive. Why must I knock a door, the same door, so frequently?  What is wrong with me? What is wrong with YOU for bearing this sort of loony behaviour?

The limitless mind left limited.

Oh God.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

tell me,

what is your fixation? 

-Rizwana

p.s.  this post was not an excuse for sherlock gifs. i promise.

Creative Folks: Making The Networks.

Heya folks. Ok, I do wish there was a more sophisticated way of beginning these posts, something charismatic ya know? Like the subtlest of head nods and the hip-est of eye winks (eye winks? really?! finished school and all but here I am with preposterous language skillz. nice. ?) Alas, I have failed you and we shall continue, deprived of all the charisma and candy in the world.

big wow.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, I’ve been thinking/noticing/staring-at-the-wall for a couple of days. Not continuously, duh. Figuratively. You know when you’re¬†a noob and you spend so long reading about the thing you’re interested in or want to pursue? Like, for me, this whole blogging adventure to be precise. I like to pretend to be thoughtful and read/research on ways to improve or find those hidden industry secrets from acclaimed people on the internet. So to understand what those successful fellas did or didn’t do to make it as far as they have or had and try to take inspiration from their respective journeys.

Obviously, we’re lucky to be living in a world where all these stories of success and progress¬†are so readily available. You don’t have to pluck a bird’s feather, get that high level bird-feather ink and sit under¬†lantern light to finally write something, in hopes of¬†getting¬†it shipped to that one posh library in Oxford or wherever posh¬†libraries used to exist. Nah, we got our Reddits and our Facebooks and our Youtubes and our WordPresses and so on, just endless, empty library shelves¬†floating around in Space 24/7. How sick is that?!

But what I think hasn’t changed is the idea of making the right networks, the need of connections. I, as an aspiring creative, am accustomed to dealing with the creative aspect of this blog (i.e. post planning, writing, rewriting, designing, color picking etc.) on a fairly regular basis. That’s all pretty normal. Yet what isn’t as normal is having to deal with the social a.k.a business aspect of things. Marketing your creativity for the masses. THAT is hardcore stuff.

sed lyfe.And let’s be honest here: I’m not that great at it. I mean, I try to publicise my blog as often as possible without sounding obnoxious but it’s still pretty much uncharted waters. Some¬†people seem to have the business self¬†in them oh-so-naturally, that you severely begin to criticise your not-exactly-introverted-but-still-mostly-shy behaviour. It only gets worse when you assess¬†all these awesome creatives online, be it writers or photographers or youtubers or others, and you start to see this pattern where¬†they were able to use the right sort of network or contact or even friendship,¬†as a¬†springboard¬†for a much greater outreach.

Of course, that’s not to say it WASN’T¬†because of their creative efforts, the time spent planning, writing, editing and all, the importance of those tasks can’t and shouldn’t be diminished, BUT the fact that they had that extra level of support can’t be ignored either. (I mean, living in Saudi Arabia..there¬†really aren’t¬†a whole lot of options when it comes to finding that¬†creative crew of humans which means you seek out and truly¬†treasure people¬†or¬†opportunities¬†you may find! Hmm, perhaps it’s actually¬†a blessing in¬†disguise eh?¬†?¬†)

All in all, I’m immensely¬†grateful¬†to the online connections.¬†Will¬†try not to sound too campy..but the greatest aspect¬†of the World Wide Web¬†is just how easy it is to not feel alone. To find those like-minded people. To realise that no matter how shy or introverted or weird you may be,¬†out-there, somewhere, ARE actual living human beings who can look you in the eye and you’d know…

they understand you.

feelz.

And honestly,¬†that’s worth more than it seems.

-Rizwana

p.s. thank you for understanding. always.

On Blogging.

I’ve been trying to publicise¬†my blog a lot more, ever since I’ve moved to this self-hosted place and there’s something I’ve noticed that I did not notice¬†as much before..?¬†And let me say in advance, I don’t mean to offend anybody. I’m just trying to collect my thoughts based on an observation.

i promise.So it’s these ‘boxes’¬†that most blogs fall into. Ya know the typical trend where numerous gals blog¬†on makeup/lifestyle and the dudes post stuff related to¬†tech news and similar. Now, obviously, I’m totally OKAY with that, in fact these people are writing stuff¬†they’re passionate about and I, not only completely support their efforts, but I think it’s great that they’ve the courage and determination¬†to¬†do so.

It’s just that when you’re not doing what a large portion of the public seems to be doing and is interested in, you feel kinda left out ya know? Which¬†is absurd, I agree. But I don’t know¬†why I still feel like I’m not catering to what the people want to be reading and perhaps, that does sound like a good thing..certainly falls¬†under the timeless advice of ‘be unique’. Yet, I think you end up feeling awfully alone and unsure of yourself. I don’t want to be writing on the mainstream topics just for the sake of it,¬†nor do I want to be dishonest to myself and play pretend to find the community/readership/friends.

To be honest, another aspect of this is when you search of ways to gain a larger audience, there are¬†so many online guides telling you directly/indirectly to write cookie-cutter articles like¬†“top 50 things¬†you might not even care about but will still click to read because we have got¬†the real marketing skillz”. Come on, I can’t be the only one who notices this, right? right?!¬†

for real..?

Nonetheless,¬†I know for a fact¬†that my content, too,¬†is anything but unique. Of course,¬†we’re all inspired by one thing or another and there will always be similarities overshadowed by the capability¬†that¬†creativity holds, wherein¬†each¬†person’s perspective¬†is a key to a combination¬†of their self and their work, which can never,¬†truly,¬†be replicated. So for anyone who’s¬†felt what I’m feeling, I just want to reiterate the importance of staying true to yourself. No matter¬†if you feel like you’re in a box with 2, 902 or 539402 other people¬†(side note: staying confined to only that box is your personal decision but a trip outside comfort zone can be super nice):

honesty does go a long way.

(& remember: if put your soul in your work then much like the boy who lived, the world will find you)

teehee.

-Rizwana

Insignificance ‚ÄĒ A Chat.

I’ve been meaning to write about a little something that’s been (sorta) occasionally troubling me. ‘Troubling’ not as ‘its upsetting’ or anything but it’s just making me think about wanting to try something new/different. I know I’m making no sense right now and this shroud of vagueness might seem unnecessary but uh, please stay a while and read ahead..maybe I’ll reach some clarity.

Anyway, so it’s about the¬†future of this blog, the future of my¬†writing as it is, and the future that I would like to work towards.

Now before I hope I’ve scared you, don’t freak out, I’m in no way quitting, there’s no abandoning or betrayal or any-other-sad-stuff-you-can-think-of-like-a-sunken-Oreo, it’s kind of the opposite. I’ve had this blog for 2 wonderful years, in which, on a personal scale, I’ve achieved stuff I wouldn’t otherwise ever could. Sure, I still don’t¬†have my own page¬†on Wikipedia but that doesn’t match¬†the feeling of¬†opening up your browser, typing the letter ‘t’ and landing on a page that looks absolutely average, yes, but it feels like home.

And now I know I’m doing what I usually do when I attempt to talk (or write) in a straightforward manner i.e.¬†not be straightforward enough¬†but what I’m saying is that looking at¬†this blog, its front-page,¬†makes me consider it as an extension of myself, one which grows a little each day and reminds me¬†why¬†an 18 year can¬†chase after her dream.

A dream that I’m uncertain of, to be honest. That’s the crux of the matter, I guess. What do I want this blog to grow into? I¬†don’t know if I have the audacity¬†to control the path it takes, I’m half part confused and other part motivated¬†(also all-part lazy but that’s a talk for some other time..). It’s just the thought¬†of why does putting so much effort even matter when no one is going to bother¬†caring or even noticing¬†what I do and I know I should hate thinking like that. I can’t let self doubt get in the way of becoming a better writer, gaining a greater online presence and of making things I’m proud of.

So I guess this is a sort of pep talk to myself, a shoulder pat against the feeling of insignificance.

Tinkerer of Words, for me, has, and will continue to be, bigger than just a blog. In fact, it’s the¬†starting line and I am mustn’t be afraid of running.¬†

 

-Toto

Also shoutout to Kate over at plethoricthoughts¬†who’s been having thoughts of revamping her blog! Reading her posts on the struggle has been oddly therapeutic and ya’ll should go check her blog even though I’m not being paid, nor asked, to do this. (#WouldNotMindBeingPaidThou ūüėČ )

BLOG TURNS 2.

ah, yes. I don’t even know what to say..it’s 24th June and my blog, Tinkerer of Words, turns 2!

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That’s 2 YEARS of blogging and it’s been a fulfilling experience, to say the least. I have (and still am) trying to understand my writing..but for now, this is a milestone. One which I am incredibly grateful to ya’ll for! For the motivational words and the generous feedback, it’s all helped tremendously.

People’s interest means a lot for any (wanna-be) writer or artist or musician or whatever sort of creative, and you all, each one of you, have made this journey, less daunting. so, THANK YOU.¬†

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-Toto
<3

p.s. kewl stuff coming soon on ToW! stay tuned. ?