effort, does.

BREAKING: I’ve started university.

(not at all BREAKING but I couldn’t think of a spicer intro)

So, yep. For the last 3 months approx, I’m officially a first-year university student. yikes.¬†In case you’re curious, I’m¬†studying to become a Computer Scientist (whattay pompous title, i know..), at Nottingham Trent University, UK. Without further ado, this is just kind of a run down on things thus far.

Overall, the experience has been quite unique. Of course, moving from Saudi Arabia to the UK was¬†the grandest change but then living independently i.e. pretending you’re adult¬†enough to¬†manage bills and grocery,¬†continues to be one¬†vast learning experience. There’s a greater sense of responsibility that’s both exciting¬†and tiring!

Study wise, I’m getting along kinda fine. As ya’ll be aware, uni is A LOT of work, even without counting the extra time you gotta spend thinking and working towards a good CV. It gets ridiculously mind-boggling to even think about how you’ll manage to ever manage time. Unfortunately, that is exactly why I’ve been so inactive on this blog as well¬†unable to generally¬†do enough¬†creative stuff.¬†In fact, I’ve even neglected keeping in touch with some real awesome friends, which I’m pretty much very un-proud of.

I guess the issue I face is staying dedicated for longer portions¬†of times. Besides that, I’m ok with sincerely studying/working on a project only a day or two before the deadline. Before that,¬†it’s mostly¬†half-serious efforts¬†which, yeah, aren’t enough. I’m more or less trying to learn to be efficient in advance so to avoid heaps and heaps of unfinished work at the end. As imagined, old habits die hard but hey, at least they’re not invincible, eh?

I suppose it’s worth remembering when moving through the different aspects of your life or while witnessing changes, to¬†remember that¬†adjusting to anything different or new isn’t easy.¬†Be¬†it coming in terms with¬†the uncertainty of the situation¬†or¬†accepting¬†a¬†change¬†itself,¬†the easiest solution¬†is to worry.

But if there’s one thing I’ve learnt from watching Bridge of Spies while on the bus back to Notts, it’s¬†

"do you never worry?"

"would it help?"

that, sometimes,¬†worrying doesn’t help.

effort, does.

-Rizwana

 

I’m Back.

let’s be honest: I’ve been reluctant to post on this blog.¬†

After being away for so long, with no prior update or anything, it’s disturbingly difficult to get yourself to write a post without feeling like you’ve abandoned, perhaps even betrayed, your blog. I know I might sound like I’m exaggerating an otherwise simple situation but¬†I don’t feel as such. I guess I’ve just disappointed myself more than anyone kind enough to be reading these sentences, and I knew all I had to do was come back here, write (I wasn’t out of ideas/topics) and¬†click ‘publish’. But¬†the longer you don’t do the very thing you so want (and know you should) do, the harder it gets to actually do it. At least, for me. (I might’ve confused you in which case¬†ahh, I don’t think I can explain myself any better. apologies. :$ )¬†So, that’s how I ended up¬†with no fresh content¬†since September.

blog, abandoned.Nonetheless, I think I’m back now. I want to be back.¬†The only way to break out of this¬†toxic hesitance is to crush its existence, to sit down and write, without fear or uncertainty, like I have before. And, hopefully, with your support,¬†will do again.

blog, returns!

All of old. Nothing else ever. Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.¬†‚Äē¬†Samuel Beckett

Ever grateful,
Rizwana

 

Alevel Results: Ready. Set. Go.

Fellaaaas. How‚Äôs everyone doing? I hope ya’ll are as awesome as always?¬†?
I’ve been (as usual) meaning to write something a lil’ chill, one of those chitchat session kinda thing..especially after all the recent poetry posts. Anyway, let’s start of with addressing just how monumental this week actually is. For anyone who’s unaware, I’m 18 years old which not only means I get to scream into the abyss for a driver’s license (and wait another 18 years before I get one ?) BUT I CAN ALSO, officially, say I’m done with school.

As nice as that sounds, problem is, to be proper done done..you gotta have to get through the whole getting your exam results to make it official bit ya know? And oh boy oh boy, does that sound perpetually unnerving.

*cries*
tear-induce-inator 9000.

What I’m trying to (interestingly) convey is that my A level (which fyi are the nasty high school exams by the Brits ?) results are set to be released on the 11th of August, 2016 aka Thursday aka tomorrow aka biggest moment of truth in all of space and time no kidding. Hence, I’m not even sure how to process it all. I like to think I’m a chill person. I panic, yes, of course, a lot. But I sort of get over it soon enough? Call it easily distractible or whatever. I manage to find the humour in dire situations, enough to stick with a it-is-not-the-end-of-the-world attitude and for that, surely, I’m grateful.

{side note: maybe people who don’t..perhaps they work harder so as to prevent any dire situations at all? I personally think it’s about how you use the panic and tension in any circumstance, how much you allow these negative feelings to influence you and how much you influence them. I mean, finding the balance between underestimating vs overestimating and then learning from the experience, right? let me know what you think okay? okay, end side note.}

I’ll be honest: I don’t have much to say. Wish I did. Maybe this post would’ve been more content-wise substantial then..but for now, sorry for the¬†disappointment. However,¬†this post can be a reminder of sorts.

To realise that results day, like any day, is basically, A DAY. Because most things, in retrospect, cease to be as scary as your good ol’ heart and brain have led you to believe, no?

Regardless of everything and anything, I hope to remember that. 

So let the storm come when it wants to,

BRACE YOSELF

I’m ready.

are you?

 

-Rizwana
p.s. goodluck to myself and everyone else in the same boat,
we’re all in this together, fellas.
‚̧ԳŹ

“IG’s: just some life thing”, Part I (The Prologue)

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN ON MAY 4, 2014, 2 DAYS BEFORE EXAMS.  

The first rant to all things education. 

I don’t even know why you would want to read this except if you’re the most awesome human on Planet Earth. I assure you, I will not refund you the minutes (Not like you’ve got anything better to do anyways) spent reading this, so proceed with caution. This is just the beginning of innumerable things I still want to write (you ain’t seen the last of me!), hopefully my summer writing plans will see the light of day! So I’d genuinely appreciate you humans reading. You reader, seriously deserve an ice cream. Okay I’ll stop with the intro now. Enjoy.

You know those moments, where the sheer gigantic nature of the matter, leaves you dumbfounded? It isn’t certainly the lack of things to feel but rather the opposite.

Now, it gets even wackier when you know your brain has exclusively drilled the importance of a particular thing ages ago, with constant reminders fired at you like tennis balls in that tennis-ball-shooting-monster-machine. Being hit by tennis balls for a big chunk of time, shouldn’t it be in your second nature to get a racket? It should, yet you don’t.

IG’s are no different than those tennis-ball-shooting-monster-machines; expect it just doesn’t look like they will stop. In fact this entire phase of our education system, i.e. “o level”, feels like getting hit by a gazillion tennis balls one after the other. Only, shielding is tiring.

Honestly, it’s hard to know how I feel about IG’s, just isn’t possible to be put into words. They make their massiveness felt, for sure, and just nicely awaken your dazed sate of “umm whaaaa?”, leaving you waiting for the inevitable ordeal.

If you’re wondering why any sane (much less insane) human would even imagine to write about a bunch of exams, well then let’s just say these are the big bad exams, the nasty ones that will huff and puff and blow us away, that too soon. Yep, it’s going to be time to face that drilled appointment in about a day.

I’m reminded of the time where you’re sitting outside the dentist’s room, awaiting that split second when you’ll be called, and you’re just blank yet you’re not. You’re filled with every little emotion trying to be felt. Only the walk up to the dentist’s door gets you out of your daze and then into waves of crashing adrenaline which does get you moving albeit with your brain sky rocketing faster than the speed of light.¬†Well, at least that‚Äôs better than your previous zombie state.

I have no idea how I’ll be feeling post-exams or during them. Maybe I might read this then and marvel at how stupidly I thought IG’s were anything but a piece of cake. I sure hope I do. All I know now is: it’s time to take the plunge and pray your parachute breaks the fall.

Otherwise, start hoping you can fly.¬† And then perhaps maybe, just maybe, getting hit by tennis balls won’t be so bad after all. Right!?

421343

That’s all folks! I hope you had a good time reading this piece of rant and hopefully I didn’t crush your greedy dreams of getting all those A*’s ūüėČ Expect another rant any time soon right after I get these IG’s over with (maybe even during them because how can rants wait that long?), so thank you for sticking to end! Also, good luck to fellow candidates, may the odds be ever in your favor.

*And finally yes, you’re allowed to leave now ūüôā *¬†

 

P.S.¬†Those summer writing plans mentioned above? Totally meant this blog. ūüôā

– Toto