let’s be honest: I’ve been reluctant to post on this blog.
After being away for so long, with no prior update or anything, it’s disturbingly difficult to get yourself to write a post without feeling like you’ve abandoned, perhaps even betrayed, your blog. I know I might sound like I’m exaggerating an otherwise simple situation but I don’t feel as such. I guess I’ve just disappointed myself more than anyone kind enough to be reading these sentences, and I knew all I had to do was come back here, write (I wasn’t out of ideas/topics) and click ‘publish’. But the longer you don’t do the very thing you so want (and know you should) do, the harder it gets to actually do it. At least, for me. (I might’ve confused you in which case ahh, I don’t think I can explain myself any better. apologies. :$ ) So, that’s how I ended up with no fresh content since September.
Nonetheless, I think I’m back now. I want to be back. The only way to break out of this toxic hesitance is to crush its existence, to sit down and write, without fear or uncertainty, like I have before. And, hopefully, with your support, will do again.
All of old. Nothing else ever. Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better. ― Samuel Beckett
Maybe bravery isn’t even bravery,
it’s these foolish thoughts meant to stray you
from the path of a “satisfying” (uneventful) life.
And suddenly you’re off your feet and
the ground seems to be shrinking.
Perhaps flying isn’t really flying,
but worries being set free.
“The sky is grander than it seems from the ground.”
It’s expanding but it’s also somehow only just around you?
Oh, how your eyes widen and the awe becomes these gusts, determined not to disappoint.
the world’s a blur
then it erupts into laughter.
“or no wait..”
maybe it’s just you starting to notice?
Self-deprived of reasons to be happy.
reasons aren’t reasons,
if we encouraged compassion/joy/positivity as much as we romanticise serious mental illnesses to seem almost desirably poetic, maybe we’d be able to spread the much-needed positive vibes in our lives.
Oh we still are frightened children;
pulling the blankets a little higher and putting down our heads on legs, ones that shiver with the thought of what awaits us.
No bedside lamp for this dark, to stop the shapes from becoming monsters, we are sword-less but shrieking in whimpers for help. And the world seems to become so much larger once you breathe a little faster, and slowly the warmth goes away just as you begin to wonder when light was last seen by your eyes.
But as the sun decides to save you, you realise;
fear should never have had become our residence,
not when we had a room, in a home with blankets to protect us for when the lights go out.
So we get out of bed, trembling,
but eventually meant to be
o k a y
until it begins all over again.
hot air balloons,
as your fears
look and you’ll find
hot air balloons
carrying their fears,
but no longer,