LETTING GO.

So, hey. Me, again. As usual: it’s been a while. University life has a tendency to keep you either too caught up with the all em’ endless deadlines or too mentally-drained to sit down and write some words, no matter how direly inactive your blog’s been. And I know that’s such a typical excuse for basically being one heck of an absent blogger but you’ll just have to accept it because YAY DISAPPOINTMENT….?

Random browsing on GoodReads led me to this quote

I am awfully sentimental. Of books, belongings, people, places. It matters very little how positive or negative the experience was. If it shared some meaningful time in my life, I’ll have trouble letting go.
― Beau Taplin

and OH BOY OH BOY, did it REALLY hit home with me. I seriously am very obviously sentimental since who knows when. It is weird though, because I can’t exactly explain the logic behind it. Guess there’s just something I leave in places and times and people and things and moments, kind of like shedding a bit of who you are in that moment and just leaving it there. And then it’s like automatically everything has a connection to who YOU are/were and the thought of moving on is more than just difficult.

That’s why, perhaps, I tend to write a lot directly/indirectly on the concept of time and it’s magnitude of presence and the ever increasing reduction of human life, shredded by the second. I mean, it’s hard to fathom a clock as a stopwatch, even though it pretty much is. Not that I am necessarily daunted by the future or what it holds. But more so, just the realisation that tomorrow would mean leaving today…replacing today, being ok with leaving behind something that once was so important to you, only for this to happen over and over and over…that’s what I find troubling.

Eventually, every step ahead becomes bittersweet and hell nah, 

I don’t like bittersweet.  

wrote and illustrated weeks before i read the quote. still holds true, i think.

time kills clocks, too. 
and you wonder why
i’m sentimental.
buddy,
i wish i knew.

-rizwana

a

Alevel Results: Ready. Set. Go.

Fellaaaas. How’s everyone doing? I hope ya’ll are as awesome as always? ?
I’ve been (as usual) meaning to write something a lil’ chill, one of those chitchat session kinda thing..especially after all the recent poetry posts. Anyway, let’s start of with addressing just how monumental this week actually is. For anyone who’s unaware, I’m 18 years old which not only means I get to scream into the abyss for a driver’s license (and wait another 18 years before I get one ?) BUT I CAN ALSO, officially, say I’m done with school.

As nice as that sounds, problem is, to be proper done done..you gotta have to get through the whole getting your exam results to make it official bit ya know? And oh boy oh boy, does that sound perpetually unnerving.

*cries*
tear-induce-inator 9000.

What I’m trying to (interestingly) convey is that my A level (which fyi are the nasty high school exams by the Brits ?) results are set to be released on the 11th of August, 2016 aka Thursday aka tomorrow aka biggest moment of truth in all of space and time no kidding. Hence, I’m not even sure how to process it all. I like to think I’m a chill person. I panic, yes, of course, a lot. But I sort of get over it soon enough? Call it easily distractible or whatever. I manage to find the humour in dire situations, enough to stick with a it-is-not-the-end-of-the-world attitude and for that, surely, I’m grateful.

{side note: maybe people who don’t..perhaps they work harder so as to prevent any dire situations at all? I personally think it’s about how you use the panic and tension in any circumstance, how much you allow these negative feelings to influence you and how much you influence them. I mean, finding the balance between underestimating vs overestimating and then learning from the experience, right? let me know what you think okay? okay, end side note.}

I’ll be honest: I don’t have much to say. Wish I did. Maybe this post would’ve been more content-wise substantial then..but for now, sorry for the disappointment. However, this post can be a reminder of sorts.

To realise that results day, like any day, is basically, A DAY. Because most things, in retrospect, cease to be as scary as your good ol’ heart and brain have led you to believe, no?

Regardless of everything and anything, I hope to remember that. 

So let the storm come when it wants to,

BRACE YOSELF

I’m ready.

are you?

 

-Rizwana
p.s. goodluck to myself and everyone else in the same boat,
we’re all in this together, fellas.
❤️

Wistful.

everywhere
you go, won’t be
what is no longer
and yet every time
you try to find that
lost
home,
never will 
something,
feel dearer. 
For what
ensues 
the ache
is worth

everything.

-Toto

Pondering.

what is it about moments lost.
sought our own demise but
we are riders of the league of
hopers. no more can be said
of the lost in their shells,
thinking they are riding to battle
but moments ago we too were
a league of the demised.

You sigh as the clocks tick by.

-Toto