I’m Back.

let’s be honest: I’ve been reluctant to post on this blog.¬†

After being away for so long, with no prior update or anything, it’s disturbingly difficult to get yourself to write a post without feeling like you’ve abandoned, perhaps even betrayed, your blog. I know I might sound like I’m exaggerating an otherwise simple situation but¬†I don’t feel as such. I guess I’ve just disappointed myself more than anyone kind enough to be reading these sentences, and I knew all I had to do was come back here, write (I wasn’t out of ideas/topics) and¬†click ‘publish’. But¬†the longer you don’t do the very thing you so want (and know you should) do, the harder it gets to actually do it. At least, for me. (I might’ve confused you in which case¬†ahh, I don’t think I can explain myself any better. apologies. :$ )¬†So, that’s how I ended up¬†with no fresh content¬†since September.

blog, abandoned.Nonetheless, I think I’m back now. I want to be back.¬†The only way to break out of this¬†toxic hesitance is to crush its existence, to sit down and write, without fear or uncertainty, like I have before. And, hopefully, with your support,¬†will do again.

blog, returns!

All of old. Nothing else ever. Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.¬†‚Äē¬†Samuel Beckett

Ever grateful,
Rizwana

 

Them and Me.

I write these words, hoping to have a therapeutic transaction between us. Them and me. Them‚ÄĒthe words‚ÄĒto go away, and me: to move a step closer to more steps ahead. I tell myself, “I write for myself.” Yet these steps are a never-ending stretch of fatigue and the thought of you reading this, quickens my pace. So is the work of those¬†enthralled¬†with words…or so I hope.

-Toto

1 Year Blog Anniversary.


In the beginning,
everything seems feeble and unimportant;

not enough to matter.

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And yet one grabs on and holds onto a beginning as if it were, though feeble and unimportant, the only vine worth holding onto.

Self believe can seem no less than a planting but know this, its roots run deep, holding onto you, as if you too were the only vine worth grabbing, in that seemingly mightier forest.

 

And so it goes, content in even just the bond with your beginning.

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But slowly, yet¬†surely,¬†beginning grows¬†and for the first time ever, it lifts you¬†up, just a¬†tad bit higher. Of course,¬†you chuckle it away as if cautious to not let the enormity of your pride make it any heavier for your beginning. Oh you wouldn’t ever want that, not for the once feeble and unimportant.

Ergo you take a deep breathe and tell yourself to let the awe make you lighter and you close your eyes, cautious yet again to let not the sight of it vanish but instead let it sink from your vision and drizzle onto those roots, ones that run deep within you.

 

So that every once in a while, even in all the eventual growth of your beginning, you feel the awe change into the drizzle, begin to awaken the remembrance of a beginning before your beginning.

 

When your roots emerged.


For people shone and words, they gifted.

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And then it began to matter.


 

THANK YOU so much to all you wonderful people and for all your wonderful support. I can’t begin to tell you HOW¬†much it means to me.
ūüėÄ
I’m kind of really ridiculous at phrasing my¬†appreciation…
hence, why I ended up writing a metaphorical-ish (maybe vague? ) piece instead..  
^^’
(AND why it took me about a week to finish this post..)
But seriously, this milestone leaves me 100% awestruck.
Thank you for making it possible.  
Oh and there’s a lot more planned for the year ahead that I’m far too excited for. ToW would surely be honoured by your presence!¬† ūüėČ

 

Much Love,
Toto.
<3

Creativity: I’m Working On It.

I’ve¬†always¬†found comfort in creativity.

And that’s what I’ve been thinking about for while now.

You know how deep within,¬†you kind of realize what you want to be doing? Call it your¬†calling or whatever, your whole inner self gets these “homely feels” and you can’t stop walking towards it. Like your brain cells fidgeting together¬†in hopes that you achieve that “something”.

It’s a very mysterious kind of hypnotism.

And I’ve felt that a lot of times with varying degrees of agitation and desire. Obviously,¬†the strongest of such a feeling that I felt struck me in the most profoundest way, was the desire to not necessarily be a writer but to seek shelter in words; to learn the art of mesmerization by¬†26¬†alphabets placed in the right order, to see how a bunch of¬†shapes can change perspectives and understandings.

To commit to figuring out people, with all their remarkable ideas intact, through the medium of words.

I’ve realized that once you agree to your fidgeting brain cells, you begin¬†to pick up signs of the hypnotism¬†happening again and¬†again. But this time you know the drill, you’ve honed your skills and you’re more ready to be accepting of it. And that’s where I think, creativity does wonders.¬†

For me, this little blog was the¬†first time ever I¬†fully listened to my creative self and it’s comforting to know that I did.

However,¬†the truth unravels when for a moment you think more deeply¬†about your creative calling. And I’m not astounded by the number of times that I’ve listened to it but by a simple question of,¬†“how many times has it went unheard?”.

 

Sorry to say, I have no answer.

But I’m working on it.¬†

 

-Toto

P.S. Few more days and you’ll see.¬†

Spoken Word (attempted): “UNCHECKED”

I’ve been obsessed with “spoken word poetry” lately. I mean, how can you avoid such beautifully constructed words, mellifluously delivered! The end result of watching a gazillion of talented spoken poets’¬†videos meant I had to attempt writing a poem myself.

Weird huh? Yeah, I know.

Anyways, I did end up fulfilling this attempt¬†and I think it¬†went along pretty nicely (phew!). Although not a 100% sure if it¬†fits¬†the criteria for being classified as “spoken word poetry”. But no worries, trying it out was surely fun ūüėÄ . And no, I didn’t record a performance (like it usually is done..) of my very 1st spoken word poem because well, it is my 1st. I’d still like to work and improve on this form of art¬†for a while, before being ready for a proper performance! So I opted for just keeping it in text form for now..¬† ^^’

Hence, without further ado, here’s my spoken word piece titled “UNCHECKED”, typed out. ūüėČ


 

UNCHECKED

“Most times we fall prey to our inability to respond with the necessity of saying what must be said.

Instead we race towards that which initiates the process of wrecking reality with the help of unjustly used eloquence.

Correct me if I’m mistaken, but wouldn’t improving what we speak rather than regret over what was spoken, be the first step on the ever present trek for betterment?

Because I see people and I see¬†how‚ÄĒthis world‚ÄĒtheir words,¬†affect.

So the next time you fulfil your solemn duty, like an uninterrupted faucet, washing away the beauty from everything around you, with the harshness instructing your excuse of ‘I said everything right, I felt.’

Just remember that because you can speak, doesn’t mean you can’t hear.

And if those who were made to listen, raced towards that which initiates your mouth to taste your own bitter medicine, you‚Äôd wish you‚Äôd never had left your words, unchecked.”

 

-Toto

Announcing “Toto’s Nuggets”, A.K.A TUGGETS!

Here come the TUGGETS!
Derived from ‚ÄúToto‚Äôs Nuggets‚ÄĚ.

‚ÄúWriting‚ÄĚ meets ‚ÄúIllustration‚ÄĚ.

Ever since this blog came into existence, it has encouraged me to not only write but to test my art abilities. I have fortunately been a tad above horrendous with drawing, illustrating and sketching. Around approximately a year ago I plunged into trying out digital art and so started out with Adobe Illustrator though it was used exactly like MS Paint, if not worse. Later came Adobe Photoshop and that was when I actually started to figure things out in those gazillion little tool icons.

To this day, I‚Äôm definitely a novice at both. Yet now I ‚Äútinker‚ÄĚ around with it more frequently and that‚Äôs where TUGGETS come frying (pun intended) to help; to ensure I write and present in brilliant ways (hopefully!).

Hence on August 17, 2014, illustrated nuggets of writing, whether old or new will be coming to world of Tinkerer of Words!
tuggets

Aye for words with beauty.

– Toto

P.S. The video above is the official announcement movie made with stop motion animation, which I haven’t EVER tried before! So truly a steep learning curve but I couldn’t have been any more happier with the end result ūüôā¬†I hope you like it..feedback will be extra appreciated.

Thanks for everything, tinkerers! ūüėÄ

The Bumper Stickers of Certification

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I suppose we humans have a weird converter fitted in our brains that works unpredictably. A converter that can do wonders OR just grind your gears like a worn out machine that refuses to die. The converter that converts mere electrical impulses, running faster than the Flash, to human understandable tiny, magical shapes we call “words”.

That to me is what any sort of writing, or even creativity in its entireness, is all about. Simply getting your converter to do its job as beautifully as possible.

Conversion is what matters

After all we’re all bubbling with genius things within our brains yet only a few can get the world to witness it with them.

This is where inspiration comes in. You see, inspiration is like a gym trainer that gets this shabby converter into shape and in doing so leaves its imprint, certifying it ready for conversion.

And perhaps when you access your converter and look deeply enough, you might just spot the bumper sticker(s) of certification stuck to the foundations as well as an open entrance to a gym, forever in service for when you need it.

-Toto