effort, does.

BREAKING: I’ve started university.

(not at all BREAKING but I couldn’t think of a spicer intro)

So, yep. For the last 3 months approx, I’m officially a first-year university student. yikes. In case you’re curious, I’m studying to become a Computer Scientist (whattay pompous title, i know..), at Nottingham Trent University, UK. Without further ado, this is just kind of a run down on things thus far.

Overall, the experience has been quite unique. Of course, moving from Saudi Arabia to the UK was the grandest change but then living independently i.e. pretending you’re adult enough to manage bills and grocery, continues to be one vast learning experience. There’s a greater sense of responsibility that’s both exciting and tiring!

Study wise, I’m getting along kinda fine. As ya’ll be aware, uni is A LOT of work, even without counting the extra time you gotta spend thinking and working towards a good CV. It gets ridiculously mind-boggling to even think about how you’ll manage to ever manage time. Unfortunately, that is exactly why I’ve been so inactive on this blog as well unable to generally do enough creative stuff. In fact, I’ve even neglected keeping in touch with some real awesome friends, which I’m pretty much very un-proud of.

I guess the issue I face is staying dedicated for longer portions of times. Besides that, I’m ok with sincerely studying/working on a project only a day or two before the deadline. Before that, it’s mostly half-serious efforts which, yeah, aren’t enough. I’m more or less trying to learn to be efficient in advance so to avoid heaps and heaps of unfinished work at the end. As imagined, old habits die hard but hey, at least they’re not invincible, eh?

I suppose it’s worth remembering when moving through the different aspects of your life or while witnessing changes, to remember that adjusting to anything different or new isn’t easy. Be it coming in terms with the uncertainty of the situation or accepting a change itself, the easiest solution is to worry.

But if there’s one thing I’ve learnt from watching Bridge of Spies while on the bus back to Notts, it’s 

"do you never worry?"

"would it help?"

that, sometimes, worrying doesn’t help.

effort, does.

-Rizwana

 

Hold On.

Maybe bravery isn’t even bravery,
it’s these foolish thoughts meant to stray you
from the path of a “satisfying” (uneventful) life.

And suddenly you’re off your feet and
the ground seems to be shrinking.

 

Perhaps flying isn’t really flying,
but worries being set free.

“The sky is grander than it seems from the ground.”
It’s expanding but it’s also somehow only just around you?

Oh, how your eyes widen and the awe becomes these gusts, determined not to disappoint.


You’re spinning,
*
the world’s a blur
*
then it erupts into laughter.


“or no wait..”
maybe it’s just you starting to notice?
Self-deprived of reasons to be happy.
you’ve forgotten;

reasons aren’t reasons,
they’re excuses,

meant direly
to be,
held
onto.

if we encouraged compassion/joy/positivity as much as we romanticise serious mental illnesses to seem almost desirably poetic, maybe we’d be able to spread the much-needed positive vibes in our lives.

-Toto